


Porn Night

by infectedscrew



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Bad Ideas, Bonding, Gen, Porn Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6782548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infectedscrew/pseuds/infectedscrew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy has a suggestion for a new team bonding experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Porn Night

Being stuck in one place could make even the sanest man a little uncomfortable. Especially when the place in question was an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the German countryside. Granted not one of the three people stuck in the warehouse could actually consider themselves sane, at least two out of the three deemed themselves socially acceptable.

It was the third person that was highly questionable.

“Hey, Jaybird, what day is it?”

Jason paused, ignoring the tension of muscle under his eye and looked over at speaker. “Friday, I just told you that.”

Perched on the ratty, old, couch (one of the few pieces of furniture in the entire building), Roy was staring at an equally old television set. His face was set in a rather serious expression. Even if the trio hadn’t been together long, Roy’s “serious” face was never to be taken lightly. Something always came from it, whether it was good or bad was another matter.

“No, I mean, the date.”

“Why does it matter?”

Roy lifted his eyebrows as if shocked that Jason didn’t care about the date. “It matters. So what day is it?”

“Friday the 17th of November in the year 2011,” Jason drawled out, stress increasing with every word.

Roy nodded. “Right, so that makes it the… Third Friday of the month, right?”

Jason had no idea where this conversation was taking him and that, more than being stuck in an abandoned warehouse with a former drug addict and alien princess, bothered him. “Right,” he got out between his irritation.

There was a sharp change of movement and Roy was, rather suddenly, leaning over the back of the couch and getting right up in Jason’s face. “Do you know what that means?”

“No, I do not,” Jason said as smoothly as he could. He lifted the butt of his gun and used it to push Roy’s face away from him. The archer took it surprisingly well as he moved back on the couch.

“That means, it’s Porn Night. It has a title and everything.”

Jason’s hand tightened on his gun. “Excuse me?”

“No excuse for you. It’s Porn Night and we’re participating.”

A quiet shift behind Jason announced the return of Kory. Her eyebrow was lifted in curiosity. She’d certainly picked an interesting time to come back.

“What is this ‘porn’ night?” She asked, hands resting delicately on her hips.

Roy looked far too eager to explain. “Okay, so I’ll explain. Every third Friday of every month there is a ritual for every vigilante called Porn Night.”

“Wait, I didn’t do this ritual,” Jason interjected.

“That’s because Batman doesn’t have a penis. Now, shut up, I’m explaining.”

Jason shook his head and bent further over his guns.

Kory moved to settled on the couch next to Roy. She figured she’d need to be comfortable for this experience. And Roy was more than happy to sit next to her.

“Anyway, the ritual goes like this. No matter where you are, you take a break from vigilante-ing–”

“That’s not a word.”

“–and find yourself a television or computer,” Roy continued as if Jason hadn’t spoken. “Whoever you’re with, hero-wise, has to join you.”

Kory tilted her head, frowning slightly. “Why?”

“Because porn isn’t fun if you are alone.”

Behind the couch, Jason groaned.

“I’m starting to think you don’t have a penis either, Jason. Anyway, it’s a bonding thing. You’re supposed to pick the most hilarious and bad porn. Then you and your friends sit around and enjoy it. That’s Porn Night.”

Silence dropped over them after the explanation. Jason was seriously considering shooting his own foot off; anything to get out of this. Roy waited, impatiently, for Kory’s verdict. Kory had a rather thoughtful expression. Finally, she spoke.

“This is a ritual, so there are rules?”

Roy nodded, face serious again. “Of course. Rule number one; Boxers only, always.”

“I’m not following that rule,” Jason snapped.

Kory glanced over herself. She wasn’t wearing boxers, she knew that for a fact. She’d have to get some if she wanted to follow the rules.

“Rule number two; there is no getting out of Porn Night. Once it’s started, you have to stick it out until the end.”

Jason made a rather unattractive noise. “Harper, this is moronic! We’re not doing your stupid Porn Night.”

“It’s not /mine/. For your information, Dick came up with it,” Roy retorted.

“Oh! That makes it so much better,” Jason snapped. “You’re an idiot. We’re not doing this.”

“Fine! Rule number three; there is no hating on Porn Night, as it is the most perfect ritual. Which ties into Rule number four; there will always be Porn Night and there is no getting out of it.”

Very quickly, the two men dropped in a fight. It started nice enough with exchanged insults. But the moment Roy decided to comment for a second time about the whereabouts of Jason’s gentiles, fists entered the argument.

Kory, on the other hand, sat and curiously contemplated the concept of Porn Night. If it allowed them to bond this much—since it was so rare to see Jason worked up—maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Once they’d finish fighting, she’d put in her opinion.

Next month was going to be very interesting.


End file.
